altering tales dos

“Don’t laugh at a youth for his affectations; he is only trying on one face after another to find a face of his own,” this certainly clarified the abhorrent internal warfare in the youth.
But I was now steadily approaching my late thirties and even I had no clue of what I wanted or even was. Change didn’t sit well with me but the alternative didn’t either, and thus the great wonder of the human, acute inability to satisfice or at the very least even just articulate your wants.
Change brought with it the fear of leaping or just plain tripping but jumping back had with it the growing symptoms of boredom that were already driving me insane. Marriage was absolutely the next natural step and I was most definitely not getting a better proposal but it had been years of comfort, why now? There wasn’t even the sizzle in the relationship; I was already exhibiting the symptoms of premature divorce thoughts, could anyone really get into such grand an institution with such dubious intentions?
But I had already said yes, worn the rock and set the date but that I ascribed to the overreaction to the ambush. If only it was acceptable behavior to give an affirmative and then return seconds later only to request a rain check. Barricading myself in the restroom could no longer protect me, I heard the music and I just had to face it. As I walked out all I could really hope for is that he would respect the face I had chosen to wear from now on…