What does sex tell us about life?

He did not consult us when he invented sex.

Mere Christianity, C.S.Lewis.

I will start with a disclaimer that no. I do not revel or make it a habit to disagree with Lewis, who I truly think is the greatest Christian apologist that ever lived and I am not even a Christian. That should tell you something.

Just for today though, I will disagree with him.

The first phrase on this post is from his book where he discusses how we should be prepared for sex to be odd, repulsive and sometimes downright degenerate. How much of it we want, how we want to it. All of that. He advises us to welcome the oddity because rationale may be truly inadequate to explain the ins and out of the whole thing.

He says God did not consult us when he invented it so we should come prepared to deal with that.

I mean it’s true that God, the Higher Power or whatever you choose to believe didn’t consult us. I mean. he didn’t consult us about anything, but I think in that phrase Lewis was using the phrase more to mean ‘consider’ or maybe I’m just imposing my Freudian slip to his work because I really can’t stop interchanging ‘consider’ with ‘consult’ whenever I say it.

If that was the case though. I disagree.

I think God considered us particularly. So much so that he created a pocket called sexuality for us and us alone. Where our choice interacts with sex and sex interacts with our unconscious needs. Animals can’t have sexuality, in fact I think sex is the wrong word for what animals do. What they do is more or less just reproduction and what does reproduction tell us about them? That they live to die another day and further that cause.

So what does sex tell us about us? About our lives, how much we want it and why we want it at all, especially when it has nothing to do with reproduction. I mean to live to die another day is the obvious reason but that’s only part of it. What about the craving we have for it, the insatiability we have even after years of copulation. What does that tell us about our lives?

I think it tells us there is a great amount of loneliness in the world and it is as if this strange phenomenon of ‘horniness’ is the alert that we have more of it than we can handle at any one moment. By it, I mean loneliness.

In fact for me the physical desire for the act of sex is such a huge metaphor for the loneliness we feel and the true magnitude of it. The need to literally have someone hurtle into your body or you to theirs and I’m not talking about just the physical act even just kissing, it’s quite literal there too. I think in many ways sex is a comfort for the intense loneliness life has to offer us.

And I should say ‘correct sex’ that is just to mean, the kind of sex that fills the void, if only for a time. Any other kind of sex is incomplete in its goal thus more or less null and void, with the side effect of only increasing the hankering for ‘correct sex.’ The insatiability I was talking about earlier

Although, this void filling isn’t just about sex. I think sex is just a complex form of communication and more on the extreme side when you have had as much loneliness as you can take. ‘Horniness’ is not the alarm when the fire breaks out, it is the literal phone call to the firefighters when the heat is unbearable. There are plenty of remedies before we get to that level, not to say that those who do not want sex are not lonely because we all are and the physical desire has its roots in our biology too. But the desire coupled with the heightened intent to act on it usually points to the apex of loneliness.

As such this is why I think children have less inclination to want sex, usually. There is a kind of loneliness reserved only for the matured, when you no longer have your parents within that close reach.

In fact I think sex is the adult equivalent of bonding between babies and their mothers. When we are born we are truly vulnerable and saddled with our new individuality, I think we experience a profuse amount of loneliness. Enter mom. She provides the solace we need to encounter this new world we are now in away from uterine comfort.

When we want sex, we really just need to bond, badly, as the loneliness bites and thanks to our heightened awareness being adults the loneliness can be torturous. Unfortunately at that point bonding with our mothers like we used to, chest to chest, nipple to mouth is much less of an option.

I think this is why a mother dying in childbirth or a closed adoption is usually such a traumatic event. When the one person who could ease your new found loneliness is the one person you will never meet.





8 thoughts on “What does sex tell us about life?

  1. sorry, pressed reply to soon… Why do you say it has nothing to do with reproduction? We are basically like animals who crave for sex which is nature’s way of ensuring that our species survive. If sex was painful and undesirable , we wold be extinct by now .. we would not survive . But we crave for it, as we crave to eat and sleep, in order to survive . We just make it more complicated and unique since we have the ability to reason and create new ways of doing it for being an advanced species. Sure, we use it also to cope with loneliness . But we also use it to control others and to make a profit out of it . But the original reason for it is for reproduction.


    1. Hey,
      I totally agree that sex definitely has biological reasons, even in the article i say that. I just think the reasons don’t stop there. Even if you think about modern day life. Most people rarely have more than, okay i will say 5 because I’m an african and
      that’s the average here. Most couples rarely have more than five children. But the hankering for sex is still there, even after the reproductive role has been fulfilled. Why is that?
      Even couples that cannot biologically have children like homosexuals, fully transitioned transgenders or just infertile people still crave sex quite a bit. Why is that?
      I don’t mean that reproduction has nothing to do with sex. I just mean reproduction is one of the aims of sex not the only one.

      Thanks for visiting Noel.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Loved this interesting viewpoint on the nature of our biological instincts. I was reading through comments on a post related to love and relationships on my own blog. I was thinking how amusing it is that people get testy when challenged to think about something they enjoy immensely in an abstract way. I do not believe we can evolve as a species if we treat sex as a basic need. Any lay person who tells me that something they like is something natural, normal and necessary and that I must like it, too, is very insecure. I think our ability to think about things in an abstract way is what keeps us civilised. xoxoxo


  3. Let me just introduce myself first. I am Blessed Atwine s/o Mugisha from Uganda. In around April, I learnt of the Nalubaale Review to which you contributed a short story in its first issue. I liked the writing and the style and I read more about the author. That was how I learnt of this blog and that’s when I followed it. There is a word you used to describe what you would like to be and this just made me want to read more from you.

    I cannot obviously follow and read all your past posts but I will start from where I joined in. About this post, I must say I like how you demystify your point and how you responded to Noel. In short, I agree with you and I must say you are a Thinker!

    Liked by 1 person

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